Confidence in Motherhood
One of my goals this year is to explore, expand, and love my motherhood. I have never felt confident as a mother – I usually feel restless, depressed, and insignificant as I often lose the eternal perspective of one of the most eternally significant roles. This year I am actively striving to overcome that lack of perspective and fully embrace my motherhood in 2017 and beyond.
“How to Get Better at the Things You Care About”
One morning I was on the treadmill. To distract myself from the sweat and pain of exercising I like to watch TED talks. If you’re not sure what a TED talk is, think General Conference but on secular topics ranging from how optical illusions work to how to fight against genocide. TED talks can be as intense or light as you choose, but I always learn something.
This morning was no different. I browsed the featured TED talks and saw Eduardo Briceño’s “How to get better at the things you care about.” It sounded like a perfect match to my overarching goal regarding motherhood. So I watched it. And I was blown away.
Learning and Performing
In his presentation, Briceño discusses the concept of a learning zone and a performance zone:
The performance zone maximizes our immediate performance, while the learning zone maximizes our growth and our future performance. The reason many of us don’t improve much despite our hard work is that we tend to spend almost all of our time in the performance zone.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I feel like I have my primary residence set up in the performance zone and a summer home shanty that I timeshare in the learning zone as I carry out my roles as wife and mother. But spending practically all my time in the performance zone “hinders our growth, and ironically, over the long term, also our performance.”
It’s only been recently (think the past month or so) that I’ve gotten off the Go-Go-Go-Mommy train and paused to learn more about how to be a mother. I’ve created goals for myself to read books and blogs that relate to my children’s needs and my role as their mother. I’ve been diving more deeply and consistently into the scriptures to learn about my role as a woman, a wife, and a mother. And I’ve been letting myself make mistakes, try new approaches and ideas, and be ok with failure.
Being in the learning zone has allowed me to be more efficient, resilient, and passionate in the performance zone.
I love Briceño’s closing thoughts:
What if, instead of spending our lives doing, doing, doing, performing, performing, performing, we spent more time exploring, asking, listening, experimenting, reflecting, striving, and becoming?
I’m still working on spending adequate time in the learning zone. The pressure to migrate back to the high-stakes performance zone is real, true. But I can already see that as I study, experiment, make mistakes, and listen, I’ll become a better mother.
What part of mothering do you want to get better? Share in the comments below.